Waiting for His Word

8 months ago today, almost to the minute as I write this, my grandpa died in my living room.

I'd known for months that what I wanted to do when I was done taking care of my grandpa because I craved it all the time: TIME in God's Word, hearing, breathing and exhaling His Word. And when I'm home and have time to study, I do just that. It's healing, it's reviving, it's wonderful.

3 months ago today, and to the very minute, I thought my other dream was coming true. I thought I'd met a prince who had swept me off my feet. While for a brief moment, it was the truth, it ended up being a lie. And today he's someone else's prince. I hope he's better to her than he ended up being to me. Time will tell. But the heartache of hopes being raised and dreams seeming to come true, to only fall to the ground with a loud thump, has been almost more than I can bear. I don't believe in exes, I never have and frankly, I never will. Sadly for me, I have one. I pray he is the last and only ex I ever have.

I still have the craving to spend as much time with the Master that I can. I want to know, especially now, what is next? What do I do with my heart that's full of experience and pain and grief, as well the desire to love and be loved, and not just by a man, but by a God who calls me to Himself? And more importantly, or more urgently, what does God want to do with me, in all my human frailties?

I thought I knew 3 months ago what God wanted me to do with my heart. And I jumped. I'm still not sure, I didn't hear Him saying, "Walk this way!" I think God leads people in and out of the desert and to wonderful places that turn out to be awful because we learn to lean on Him. When we say, "I thought I heard You right!!" He is saying, "You DID!! But don't stop here, keep following...."

"For men are not cast off by the LORD forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men......Who can speak and have it happen, if the LORD has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?"

Lamentations 3:31-33 & 37-38

I've been being filled with a revelation in my heart in the past couple of days, and today, through studying God's Word, I know it's bubbling over: My life right now asks the question, "What now?" And God is compelling me to ask, "What do you, O Lord, have for me? What can you do with me? What is the beauty that is supposed to come from these ashes?"

I have been sifting the ashes for the past couple of months trying to find some sense in it all. I have caught a few treasures, a few things salvageable out of all this mess. But I want more. And I don't want to look at the ashes anymore. They're dusty, they're gray and black and just really ugly to look at. I need to move away, and yet I know it's a part of my make up, these ashes will define who Priscilla will become someday. I can't walk away from a holy destruction. But I can look to the One who commands such a price.

I have heard and felt an answer this morning within my heart as I have asked my question, "What now, Lord?"

Wait. Listen. Wait for the Word of the LORD.

The Word of God is what I have been waiting for since my grandpa died, I read about Pentecost, and while I know literally it's already happened, I am waiting for my own personal encounter, my own personal Word from God. My heart craves to know what He wants to speak over me. And I know, this kind of waiting is worth every second of silence I experience. Silence trains me to hear Him when He does finally speak.

As for my ex boyfriend, in writing this post, I have come to the conclusion that maybe this experience has been my holy destruction to the LORD. I have to admit, I didn't sacrifice it willingly. But I think I can offer the ashes of it all and let God create beauty all around and in the whole thing. And trust Him to handle everything I need Him to. Because, mark my words, He will.

And my grandpa, God rest his precious soul, he has entered into his Master's rest and for the first time in his whole life, he is happy. And his happiness is perfect. And that makes me very happy.

What about you? What do you want God to speak over you?

"God is not silent. It is the very nature of God to speak. The second person in the Trinity is called "The Word.""

- Tozer

"The Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; ir judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

Hebrews 4:12

"And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light."

Genesis 1:3

"He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still! Then the wind died down and it was completely calm."

Mark 4:39

"When He had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, Come out!" The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen."

John 11:43-44

When He speaks, stand back and watch Him move. Watch creation come to life, wind and waves come to a complete stand-still, and dead men come walking out of graves. Oh, my dear friends, we may have no idea what it's like for God to really speak over us!! If you have had that privilege, I am filled with Holy Jealousy because I want what you have!! I am so excited to experience Him speak over me. It's personal for each of us, but it's no less powerful in each of us.

What if, by some stretch of the imagination, we believed to the core every promise God speaks thru His written Word? I've been challenged with this one for years. My analytical mind takes it all apart and I end up in a pit of doubt rather than the steady ground God promises to place me on. I am going to practice believing what God wrote me.....after all, I believed certain text messages with no difficulties. And again, while true for the moment, they turned out to be lies. God's Word is true from the beginning of time until the beyond the end of time. He does not lie. Hear me say it again : GOD DOES NOT LIE. Got it?

And I think I'm going to start with the Holy Destruction. Stay with me here. Whenever God brought His people to a new land, He commanded they give Him the first of everything. And by "give Him the first of everything", it's not like how many of us do charity drives today: whatever we don't want, we give to the poor. It means the first, the best, and yes, even whatever doesn't please Him, like if it's an idol, He wants Holy Destruction. The best comes after that because the next battles come with plunder we get to pick up and hold and keep for our very own, and eventually the land already ours by the promise of God. So, see? Believing Him comes with great reward.

I was about to started editing this post when I read it to my mom. She reminded me of something and I am so excited to leave this treasure with you, I can hardly stand it!!

We went to Seattle last year and in a gift shop, we found the most beautiful gems. They were formed from the ASH of Mt. St. Helens!!!

You probably can't see it from the picture, but my earrings are the lightest, but most beautiful of pinks. My mom's earrings are bright blue. THIS is what God takes out of ashes, and these aren't even our ashes!!! But yet He presented them to us while we were sight seeing in Seattle. IMAGINE what He will do with OUR very own ashes!! I have no doubt but that God will color my world, my gems the most beautiful pink I've yet to see, and my mom's will be the most beautiful of blue she has yet to see. And yours....yours will be the most beautiful as well, and for you, my dear friends, I can't wait to see and hear of your plunder from your own ash heap.

May God bless us all by His word.

"Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about."Acts 1:4 (emphasis mine)

Find more artists like Amy Grant at Myspace Music(I couldn't find the a video from youtube, so this will have to do)

*The picture above is taken from a post I wrote awhile back called "Gems in the Desert"

~Be Still~

Today, I feel as if we could all use some encouragement, some little glimpse of hope. I have been in need of this for a little while. I have decided to turn to the one Person I know provides hope, and more than encouragement, He fills the soul. So, instead of just me writing a bunch of stuff about me and my journey, I thought we'd join His today. Let's listen to Him as He speaks truth over us. Are you with me?

I chose you and have not rejected you.
Isaiah 41:9

I have called you by your name; you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1

Since you were precious in my eyes, you are honored, and I love you.

Isaiah 43:4

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being praise His holy Name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits-

Who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

Who redeems your life from the pit

and who crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 103:1-5

She is clothed with strength and dignity.

Proverbs 31:25Remember Susan, from Narnia? If anyone from those stories/movies is a picture of being clothed with strength and dignity, it's her. She was afraid of everything, until Aslan empowered her and showed her her value and when she believed what she was capable of, she who once was timid became a mighty warrior.

Last night, I was watching "The Chronicles of Narnia: the Voyage of the Dawn Treader", the 3rd movie, and it's like parts of it were written for me, but especially this part:

"You doubt your value; don't run from who you are."I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

Isaiah 41:9 (Yes, I know I already wrote this one out, but it bears repeating after that great scene with Aslan, don't you think?)

You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

Psalm 71:21

A friend posted a quote from John Piper on Facebook today and it ministered to me so much, I wrote it down and want to share it with you now:

"God is plotting for your joy."

I LOVE that!! My last thing I want to leave you with, and it's something I've been pondering ever since last night, is:

Think like Edmund.If anyone knew what it was like to give into the temptations of evil, it was Edmund. But once he got it, he never backed down and he was the quickest to dispel evil because he recognized it. I have been working through some lies I have believed all my life and Edmund to me is a picture of how we fight lies. Once we taste truth and the freedom therein, we cannot back down. We must stand up and not let the enemy of our God, who prowls around like a lion, we must not let him win any strongholds in us. We must recognize him and live like the royalty we are and proclaim victory for ourselves. It's ours. So let's take it.

I don't know what your struggle is today, but I know what mine is. And I know that the only way to win the fight for our lives is to follow Jesus. Do what He does. Fight the way He fights. Live the way He lives. And rebuke His enemy the way He rebukes His enemy. Wield the Sword (His Word) the way He does.

I have put my words in your mouth and and covered you with the shadow of my hand.

Isaiah51:16

"No weapon forged against you will prevail and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me." declares the LORD.

Isaiah54:17

Did you catch that? That's our heritage!!! No matter what our history is, no matter the mistakes we've made, we have a new heritage. Narnia is just a picture. You and I have our own Kingdom and our God lives there. Until He takes us to be with Him forever, He lives in us. Even Aslan wasn't that close!

Are you tired? Worn out ? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- Watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.

Matthew 11:28-30

Be Still. Don't worry, you'll get everything done in life you need to. But, in your soul, in your mind, in your heart, be still. Everything falls into place.....don't trust me, I'm still working on believing that!! But trust Him. He says so, and what He says, we can trust.

Jesus replied, "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

Matthew 22:37

"Both Sides Now"- Cilla's Sun Version

The sunset last night was fabulous. As I watched it, I realized something; it keeps moving. I know that's not a novel thought. Rather how it's supposed to be, right? But something cool happened as I was pondering the sun moving. If it didn't move, it'd be the worst natural disaster ever. Chaos would ensue. Everything in the world be off the Richter scale because the sun is our source for heat, it's pretty much everything to us. I watched it move and become more and more beautiful and with my camera on my phone, I stopped the action.
But it never stopped. It just kept going down. And as it went down, it got more beautiful, more radiant. And that's when it hit me.....I want it to stop so I can just take in it's beauty and just let it beautiful there for just a moment......

If you know me at all, you know I hate the thick clouds that cover the sky and make my head miserable. But as I watched the sunset last night, I realized that no matter what the sky looks like to me, the sun is still moving. Sometimes I want it to race ahead of the clouds so that I can see it again, and sometimes I want it to be still so I can just watch what it does in it's magnificence. But no, it just slowly keeps marching on.....

And I realized, I sometimes do what I wanted the sun to do last night: I sometimes pause and want beautiful moments to last forever, or at least longer than than they do. Or sometimes when moments are really awful, I want to speed right through them. But it doesn't work like that. Just like the sun, life marches on, sometimes it seems slowly, sometimes it seems too fast, but in reality, it's a slow steady pace. I came across this quote a few days ago....

Right on, Jessica, and your friend Paul!! If we avoided parts of life, sped thru them, or if we paused too long on the parts of life we want to linger on, chaos would ensue, just like if the sun sped up or stopped.

I think I want to be more like the sun. Have you noticed from my pictures that as it goes down, it becomes more brilliant?

And that is what make me see that I don't really want to speed thru hard times or even stop on the beautiful parts. Because what I think is beautiful doesn't come close to what is next. I can't even dream up the beauty awaiting the next bend. All I can do is move steady with the sun.

And trust my Creator, just like the sun.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectiation for the sons of God to be revealed. "
Romans 8:18-19

"....For you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall."
Malachi 4:2




I really don't know life.....at all. But I know the Author of Life and I know I can trust Him to lead me, just like He leads the sun.

The 7th is Unlucky....

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.
Psalm 68:19

Haha, I know this is a weird song for me to start with, but bear with me, ok?

Today is the 7th, and it's a hard day for me for @ least two reasons.

Reason #1: My grandpa died in my house 7 months ago today. I've been drawn to his kinda music lately, partly because I just saw "Coal Miner's Daughter" with Sissy Spacek, and I've wanted to hear some real Loretta Lynn. So today, as I was scanning his photos for the family, I indulged in a little Loretta,

a little Patsy, (if you lived in my house for the past year, you knew how OFTEN we heard this song!!)

a little of the Judds,

and I realized that I kinda like his kinda music. Grandpa would be proud.

Reason #2: I had a boyfriend 2 months ago today; now I don't; enough said.(Don't worry,I won't post a song for this reason that I'm blue.....even though one by the Judds does come to mind.)

Death, life. It's all hard sometimes. Haha, and the sun is even shining and it's still a blue day for me.

Hope. I had some yesterday, and because I had it yesterday, I have no doubt but that it will return. God always comes thru.

Summon Your power, O God; show us Your Strength, O God, as you have done before.
Psalm 68:28

I have thought so much that I want a new life. But this life is mine. And it is mostly good: I have my family, a job that looks promising, my friends,and most importantly, I have my God. I also have my pride, and my dignity. Life may have not turned out the way I wanted it.....yet. It's still not over. Yes, my grandpa is gone, and the era of being a caregiver's daughter (Loretta is still in my head, can you tell?) is over. Yes, I no longer have a boyfriend, and the dreams I had are put on hold in a whole new way, but my dreams still exist, just not with him. Today is rough, but tomorrow will be easier, and next month will be another month past all my grief. Sorrow is a part of life. It expands the heart to make room for joy. I will be one heck of a joyful person someday.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

I know this to be true. I don't know what's going on in your life if you're reading this right now. Maybe you're in a season of grief, too. I only listed 2 reasons it's my season right now, believe me I could list more. I'm sure you could, too. The Lord knows what you're going thru and I want you to know, because He wants you and me both to know: He loves you, Dear Heart. He is on your side. He wants you to turn to Him in your grief and pain. He wants to walk with you and talk with you, cry with you even. Let's let Him in, Love. He might not take the pain away quite yet, but He makes it bearable. This time in our lives might be rough, but someday when we look back, they will be the sweetest we've ever had if we let Him in and be the Savior He gave up Heaven to be.

Those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

Psalm 34: 10

LORD, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O LORD. Renew them in my day, in my time make them known.

Habakkuk 2:2 (emphasis and personalization are mine)

The Land of the Living

This was my most recent status update on Facebook this afternoon:

"Priscilla loves what God is doing in my life, and believe me, He is getting the last laugh.....He is AWESOME!!!!!

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."

John 14:1

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

Psalm 27:13-14"

Yes, I know, a long post, haha!! That's how this girl rolls, lol. Did I actually just say L O L on here?!? I am slipping!! Maybe I'm caffeinated....maybe it's that the sun is out....and maybe I am finally able to accept the goodness of the land of the LORD in the land of the living.

Right before my grandpa died, literally the night before, I wrote this blog post. The next day, he died and then that night I opened my Bible and I read the most awesome verse that I knew was a promise then:

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."

Psalm 27:13

I had seen the goodness of the LORD in the valley of the shadow of death. I have walked this valley for years and when it finally came to an end, it wasn't relief I felt, as some hoped I'd feel. It was sweet, it was bitter, it was release, it was grief, it was sad, it was pain, it was God.

Last night, I was reminded of what I gave up to say yes to God in helping with the daily events of my grandparents. And for the first time, my feelings weren't bitter. They were sweet as I realized that I haven't missed out on a thing. What God asked of me- my life- He is giving back tenfold. My friends were teasing me about not knowing much music besides Country and Christian.....hey, there is nothing wrong with those, I'm just sayin'. But I was trying to figure out why I didn't know any of the stuff they were talking about, and it's a small thing, but it's something, I never got a chance to hear it because I was helping my grandpa to the car, I was keeping my grandma from falling over when she walked with her walker, I was running errands with my mom, I was feeling like I was missing out, and feeling left out of life. I feel bad now because I desperately wanted my life to change, I had my moments of being a total brat as I threw my tantrums and wanted out of my life. But the thing that kept me going was that THIS IS WHAT I CHOSE BECAUSE IT'S WHAT GOD WANTED FROM ME.

Today, I am rejoicing about my life because I did the hard stuff- I'm not dumb enough to think the hard stuff is over....life is life and sometimes life is hell. But thank God, because of Him, life can be sweet.

So, I didn't grow up listening to the "cool" music and what-not.....guess what, I am being educated now and I love it!! I am looking back at my life and I can truly say that I am glad I have lived the life I've lived. Plain, boring, and yet filled with God-stops along the way that made me love my life before I have what I have now. And now I am seeing the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.....and it is awesome!!! Beth Moore said once that God should fill us up to the top, whatever blessing He gives should just be the cup running over.....

My cup runneth over

I absolutely HATE the thick clouds that cover the entire sky with their gray-ness. Really, I do. It actually affects my psyche and sometimes gives me a headache and makes me want to throw up. So, yeah, I really HATE the clouds!!!! That could be why I'm listening to this song right now.

"With ALL CREATION I sing praise to the King of kings, You are my Everything, and I will adore You!!"

All of creation is from God. From earthquakes to tsunamis, to tornadoes and hurricanes, to these awful clouds. I want to learn to live above this fog that comes over me when there are days (weeks) like these.

"We walk by faith, not by sight."

2 Corinthians 5:7

My cousin is a pilot and I remember him saying once that Maine is the worst place to fly into because of the fog. He can only rely on his instruments to help him land because he cannot see outside. Talk about faith. We can only hope his instruments never let him down!!

I'm not kidding when I say what the clouds are doing to my head. I am a positive, upbeat person who loves life, but when there are thick clouds that make a day all gloomy because there is no chance of them going away, I turn into a negative person who doesn't have an upbeat thought in her head!! I want to love the clouds as much as I love the blue sky and sunshine because God created both. If nothing else, because He created them.

When I was little, my mom would help me and my brother change our attitudes about life, and eachother, by telling us to say 10 good things about eachother, I mean, life. Haha!! So, I'm going to share with you my 10 good things about my life after this song.....I tried to find the least cheesy version and I love blue grass, so here goes, lol:

1) One week ago today, I officially started dating a man who makes my heart all twitterpated and who makes me think fairytales are real.

2) I have a blossoming career in photography, I never asked for it, but here it is.

3) I have the best mother in the world, she is my best friend.

4) My dad is pretty cool, too. :0)

5) I have friends who love me.....if you're reading this, you know who you are.

6) I have my God who inspired me to love the clouds because He created them.

7) His word is healing to me.

8) Did I mention that I have a boyfriend? ;0)

9) I love oldies, and cranking them up really loud and singing them (wrong) with my mama is pretty much my favorite thing to do right now.

10) I am loved by a Holy God. What could be better than that?

Yep, I'm still not liking the clouds so much, but I am feeling better. How about you? How are you today? I hope that whatever fog you face today, whether it be the weather or emotional or physical, I pray He touches you. You are loved, my friend!!

One more song and then I'm outta here to go get ready to meet some girlfriends for lunch. I love you and I hope your day is just a little brighter today!!!

Don't Stop Believing

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."
Proverbs 31:25

Does anyone need those words today? Especially, if you're a woman reading this? I know I do. I am in great need of strength with a little dignity poured in there, and I definitely need the ability to laugh at the days to come. I am in need of peace of mind. Life throws its blows, but I need to know from the inside out that I am loved and that I am forgiven. I love how it's phrased in this verse: CLOTHED. As women, we love our clothes, and our accessories. How about as we apply that mascara and (my favorite) our lipstick, we also put on strength and dignity?

I'm the curious type; I want to know exactly what something means when I study the Bible. I love finding out and I think you will, too, what exactly strength and dignity mean in the Hebrew:

STRENGTH- Force, security, majesty, praise;- boldness, loud, might, power, strength, strong.

DIGNITY- Magnificence, ie. ornament, or splendor (Did I not mention accessories? Haha, I believe that right there is an accessory we can don); beauty, comeliness, excellency, glorious, glory, goodly, honor, majesty.

In other words, my dear hearts, we are clothed with God Himself. Did you notice that? All those qualities are what describe God. We can be clothed with Him, and consciously, every day, choosing to trust Him and love Him and obey Him, makes this happen. Constant conversation with Him and asking questions of Him without questioning Him, causes such intimacy, you can hardly not speak about, but you can almost not because He becomes everything to you. Anything you love, you talk about. Most women talk about shoes, clothes, jewelry, men, children, shoes, make up, hair, shoes.....Haha!!! We almost can't not!! And women who are in love? My gosh!!! I have seen love turn a perfectly sensible woman into a pile of mush!! Imagine what we'd be like if we clothed ourselves with Jesus. Everything else would fall into place, and our conversations would still be about shoes, clothes, jewelry, men, children, shoes, makeup, and hair, but they would be laced with grace and love. Even if we never said it, we would be wearing His name.

I have been enjoying the new movies coming out that are really action packed and have such comedy I literally ROFL!! (Ok, more like the couch than the floor, but you get the picture.) One thing that stands out to me more and more are the funny guys who keep their wits about them in really distressing times. Like this video....(Sorry, youtube didn't have an embed code for this one, but please click on the link and watch it!!)


"Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
2 Corinthians 3:17

"Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever."
Psalm 125:1

If you know you're covered, it doesn't matter what happens, you can play around because you're connected to your Protector and Defender. Beloved, we are covered!! He has our back, just like Cougar had Jensen's back in the video above. And the freedom we have is astounding. Believe it.

On a personal level, I really need this. I'm not ok. I have my good days, but in general, I am not ok. I have been thru such a hard year, and before that, many hard years with mind excruciatingly hard days. Losing my grandpa was more than just how it sounds, in his death, most of my identity died, too. I'm no longer the girl who "helps take care of my grandpa". I feel sometimes like I have a big gaping hole in me that's just flapping open to the wind and I feel every draft. Not very many people understand this pain, this loss. It's like I'm 18 again without a clue as to what's next, only 10 times worse. For a whole year, I was tensed up waiting for my grandpa to fall, hoping he'd eat, and of course, waiting for the inevitable, his death. Now, my body is recovering from all that stress. I have been sickly off and on for months. Sometimes all I have the energy for is to read my Bible and talk with my mom, who feels what I feel only multiplied by 100. And in recovering, my family just keeps getting hit by one thing after another. As one of my relatives said about her mom, "My mom just has the worst luck!!" I can fully relate. If I'm not going to stop being hit, then something in me needs to change. I need some new clothes!! Haha, anyone want to go shopping with me? I want to be clothed with strength and with dignity so that when things come up, I can stand up against the enemy of God and be absolutely victorious because MY GOD HAS MY BACK!!!



This is my new "theme song", a song that as I listen makes me hear where I find the answers in life and where I find that strength and that dignity: Jesus Christ.

“You are strong and the word of God lives in you, and you have overcome the evil one.”
1 John 2:14