Waiting for His Word

8 months ago today, almost to the minute as I write this, my grandpa died in my living room.

I'd known for months that what I wanted to do when I was done taking care of my grandpa because I craved it all the time: TIME in God's Word, hearing, breathing and exhaling His Word. And when I'm home and have time to study, I do just that. It's healing, it's reviving, it's wonderful.

3 months ago today, and to the very minute, I thought my other dream was coming true. I thought I'd met a prince who had swept me off my feet. While for a brief moment, it was the truth, it ended up being a lie. And today he's someone else's prince. I hope he's better to her than he ended up being to me. Time will tell. But the heartache of hopes being raised and dreams seeming to come true, to only fall to the ground with a loud thump, has been almost more than I can bear. I don't believe in exes, I never have and frankly, I never will. Sadly for me, I have one. I pray he is the last and only ex I ever have.

I still have the craving to spend as much time with the Master that I can. I want to know, especially now, what is next? What do I do with my heart that's full of experience and pain and grief, as well the desire to love and be loved, and not just by a man, but by a God who calls me to Himself? And more importantly, or more urgently, what does God want to do with me, in all my human frailties?

I thought I knew 3 months ago what God wanted me to do with my heart. And I jumped. I'm still not sure, I didn't hear Him saying, "Walk this way!" I think God leads people in and out of the desert and to wonderful places that turn out to be awful because we learn to lean on Him. When we say, "I thought I heard You right!!" He is saying, "You DID!! But don't stop here, keep following...."

"For men are not cast off by the LORD forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men......Who can speak and have it happen, if the LORD has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?"

Lamentations 3:31-33 & 37-38

I've been being filled with a revelation in my heart in the past couple of days, and today, through studying God's Word, I know it's bubbling over: My life right now asks the question, "What now?" And God is compelling me to ask, "What do you, O Lord, have for me? What can you do with me? What is the beauty that is supposed to come from these ashes?"

I have been sifting the ashes for the past couple of months trying to find some sense in it all. I have caught a few treasures, a few things salvageable out of all this mess. But I want more. And I don't want to look at the ashes anymore. They're dusty, they're gray and black and just really ugly to look at. I need to move away, and yet I know it's a part of my make up, these ashes will define who Priscilla will become someday. I can't walk away from a holy destruction. But I can look to the One who commands such a price.

I have heard and felt an answer this morning within my heart as I have asked my question, "What now, Lord?"

Wait. Listen. Wait for the Word of the LORD.

The Word of God is what I have been waiting for since my grandpa died, I read about Pentecost, and while I know literally it's already happened, I am waiting for my own personal encounter, my own personal Word from God. My heart craves to know what He wants to speak over me. And I know, this kind of waiting is worth every second of silence I experience. Silence trains me to hear Him when He does finally speak.

As for my ex boyfriend, in writing this post, I have come to the conclusion that maybe this experience has been my holy destruction to the LORD. I have to admit, I didn't sacrifice it willingly. But I think I can offer the ashes of it all and let God create beauty all around and in the whole thing. And trust Him to handle everything I need Him to. Because, mark my words, He will.

And my grandpa, God rest his precious soul, he has entered into his Master's rest and for the first time in his whole life, he is happy. And his happiness is perfect. And that makes me very happy.

What about you? What do you want God to speak over you?

"God is not silent. It is the very nature of God to speak. The second person in the Trinity is called "The Word.""

- Tozer

"The Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; ir judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

Hebrews 4:12

"And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light."

Genesis 1:3

"He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still! Then the wind died down and it was completely calm."

Mark 4:39

"When He had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, Come out!" The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen."

John 11:43-44

When He speaks, stand back and watch Him move. Watch creation come to life, wind and waves come to a complete stand-still, and dead men come walking out of graves. Oh, my dear friends, we may have no idea what it's like for God to really speak over us!! If you have had that privilege, I am filled with Holy Jealousy because I want what you have!! I am so excited to experience Him speak over me. It's personal for each of us, but it's no less powerful in each of us.

What if, by some stretch of the imagination, we believed to the core every promise God speaks thru His written Word? I've been challenged with this one for years. My analytical mind takes it all apart and I end up in a pit of doubt rather than the steady ground God promises to place me on. I am going to practice believing what God wrote me.....after all, I believed certain text messages with no difficulties. And again, while true for the moment, they turned out to be lies. God's Word is true from the beginning of time until the beyond the end of time. He does not lie. Hear me say it again : GOD DOES NOT LIE. Got it?

And I think I'm going to start with the Holy Destruction. Stay with me here. Whenever God brought His people to a new land, He commanded they give Him the first of everything. And by "give Him the first of everything", it's not like how many of us do charity drives today: whatever we don't want, we give to the poor. It means the first, the best, and yes, even whatever doesn't please Him, like if it's an idol, He wants Holy Destruction. The best comes after that because the next battles come with plunder we get to pick up and hold and keep for our very own, and eventually the land already ours by the promise of God. So, see? Believing Him comes with great reward.

I was about to started editing this post when I read it to my mom. She reminded me of something and I am so excited to leave this treasure with you, I can hardly stand it!!

We went to Seattle last year and in a gift shop, we found the most beautiful gems. They were formed from the ASH of Mt. St. Helens!!!

You probably can't see it from the picture, but my earrings are the lightest, but most beautiful of pinks. My mom's earrings are bright blue. THIS is what God takes out of ashes, and these aren't even our ashes!!! But yet He presented them to us while we were sight seeing in Seattle. IMAGINE what He will do with OUR very own ashes!! I have no doubt but that God will color my world, my gems the most beautiful pink I've yet to see, and my mom's will be the most beautiful of blue she has yet to see. And yours....yours will be the most beautiful as well, and for you, my dear friends, I can't wait to see and hear of your plunder from your own ash heap.

May God bless us all by His word.

"Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about."Acts 1:4 (emphasis mine)

Find more artists like Amy Grant at Myspace Music(I couldn't find the a video from youtube, so this will have to do)

*The picture above is taken from a post I wrote awhile back called "Gems in the Desert"