Gems in the Desert

About 2 1/2 years ago, I became free. From the time I was conceived right up until then, I’d been in spiritual and emotional bondage. In my mind’s eye, using my imagination, I can picture this person in chains. I’ll be honest, for a long time, I was comfortable in those chains of guilt and fear. I got so used to them that I forgot they were even there. But, as is so His habit, God made me stumble on all the roadblocks that kept me from living a life of freedom and I’d cry out to be set free.

I was happy, healthy, normal child and then a pretty abnormal teen as I was still happy and healthy. However, there were always those trigger points that would just make me so aware of how unfree I really was in my heart and mind. When the ladies at my church started doing the “Breaking Free” study by Beth Moore, I couldn’t go, but I bought the study anyway. What took them 10 weeks to complete took me a year and a half as one layer after another of chains was painfully removed from the wrists of my heart. (Do hearts have wrists? I don’t know, but let’s pretend that they do, ok?) Between the study, sermons, and life, God opened up my heart. And then a miracle happened: I was free, confessing sins of old and realizing that being a product of rape affected my very psyche from the time I was born and shaking off old lies that kept me “securely” in those chains.

Since then, I’ve been learning how to live as a free woman. And this morning is when it hit me, THIS IS MY DESERT!!!! Ok, so that might not be so earth-shattering to you, but it is to me. I’ve read the passages in the Bible that have talked about the desert like,

“The LORD will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:11

Or

“In a desert land, He found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; He guarded him as the apple of His eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The LORD alone led him; no foreign god was among them.” Deuteronomy 32:10-12

There’s even a verse in Hosea,

“Therefore I am going to allure her, I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her….” Hosea 2:14- I’ve gotta break right here and just say, “I LOVE THIS PASSAGE!!!!” If you have a Bible nearby, please read the rest of the passage, it’s awesome!!!

When God freed the Israelites from the Egyptians, He then led them into the desert. And it would seem like whenever He frees anyone, the desert is His place of healing and restoration. Maybe because a desert is the least likely place to find healing and restoration; to learn how to depend on Him, maybe we have to be stripped of everything else but Him. One of the things I love about the passage in Hosea is that in vs 17, He says He’ll remove the names of baals from her lips.

And that brings me back to my realization this morning, some would call it an epiphany. This is where I am: I am free, I am a woman who’s been delivered by God from things I never thought I’d be free of, as well as things I never knew I needed to be freed from. But He has indeed allured me to the desert. But sometimes those “desert” times are just that: hot and dry and just miserable. Like the Israelites in Exodus, part of me has wanted to go back, I remember one time in prayer, God revealed one such chain and I literally grabbed my wrist and begged Him to leave that on there. I didn’t want to deal with it. But I knew I was already freed from it, it was now my choice to begin to let God heal or stay in bondage when the lock to the chain was wide open. Believe it or not, at the time, it was a really hard choice.

I’ve pondered all these passages about the desert and how God provides and cares for His people and seen it as impossible for me. I believed it for them, but not for myself. Until today. Today, God has shown me that my desert has been blessed with His mighty hand. I’m living those passages of Scripture I’ve been pondering. While God has blessed me, He’s also disciplining me, similar to how He disciplined the first freed captives in the desert (Exodus). He’s training my heart to hear His voice, He’s training my feet to walk His path, and He’s training my mind to embrace His plans when all I can see is the hot, dry desert. He’s training me to be usable. And He’s revealing the idols I’ve worshiped and little by little, removing their influence on my life, i.e. “removing the names of baals” from my lips. He’s teaching me to love Him with an undivided heart. And He’s teaching me to believe Him.

When I look at the desert, all I see sometimes is the barren ground- the unanswered prayers, the unmet desires of me and my family and friends, the way life always seems to fall apart all at once. And sometimes it’s quiet. Too quiet. It’s deafening, it’s so quiet. I’m forever being tempted to doubt God, doubt His provision, His personal promises to me thru His word and thru hearing His voice….awhile back. The golden calf isn’t that farfetched when I drop my legalistic veil and realize I would have at least been tempted to give up my gold, too. What am I saying? I give up my gold all the time in pursuit of idols, too!! I stand with the disciples when they asked Jesus in amazement, “Then who can be saved?”

Jesus’ reply is literally timeless as He’s proved it over and over again,
“With man, this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

My point? Thank You, Jesus, and hallelujah!!! And thank You for this desert!! If there’s anything I want, it’s an undivided heart for God.

A few years ago, I had the gall to ask my mother if she ever felt like adopting me and my brother was God’s second best. After a night of agonizing grief on her part, she woke me up the next morning (yes, I know, the irony of me sleeping that night is hysterical) by sitting on my bed and giving me her pearl/diamond ring, saying with tears in her eyes, “You are a pearl of great price and a diamond in the rough.” Then she reminded me of the story Jesus told in Matthew 13:45-46, “He went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”, as well as the story of how pearls are made: with a lot of agitation between the clam and the grain of sand. And then she told me the story of how diamonds are made: in utter darkness and with much pressure. We were just in Seattle visiting relatives and I was reminded of this when we came across earrings that were made w/ volcanic rock from Mt. St. Helens.
I know many of the people reading this are in your own era of “desert-ness”. My prayer for you is that you will become increasingly aware of God’s provision and His blessing in this dry, barren time in your life. You’re not alone, if anything, you’re more the object of God’s affection and attention right now than any other time, if that’s even possible because there’s not a time when we’re not the object of His love!!! Don’t be afraid of the desert, love. Embrace the God who led you here to train you so that when this time is over, yours will be an undivided heart that no enemy, no force can take from you the treasures you acquired in your desert. Because trust me, there is much treasure to be found, starting at the feet of the Master, Jesus Christ.
If you’re anything like me, I’ll bet you’re hoping your desert time doesn’t take 40 yrs, but however long it takes, I’ll bet you and I come out shining like precious and rare gems. That is His promise, after all.


“Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them in the desert….You gave your good Spirit to instruct them….they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen.” Nehemiah 9:19a, 20a, 21b